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A HAPPY PAIR 




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A HAPPY PAIR 



A COMEDIETTA IN ONE ACT 



BY 



S.-THEYRE SMITH 



New American Edition, Correctly Reprinted from the 
Original Authorized Acting Edition, with the Original 
Cast of the Characters, Argument of the Play, 
Time of Representation, Scene and Property 
Plots, Diagram of the Stage Setting, Sides 
of Entrance and Exit, Relative Posi- 
tions of the Performers, Explana- 
tion of the Stage Directions, 
ETC., and all of the Stage 
Business. 



Copyright, 1890, by Harold Roorbach. 




BOSTON: 



^^^^ Yx^a^J^P^ 



^ \%\^ 







A HAPPY PAIR 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



.'V. 'James' Theatre^ 

Londotz, 
March 2nd, 1868. 

Mr. Honeyton Mr. W. Farren. 

Mrs. Honeyton Miss Herbert. 

Time of Playing — -Forty Minutes. 



THE ARGUMENT. 

Constance Honeyton, a wife of only a few months, while Availing for 
her husband to come to breakfast tries to pass away the time by writing 
letters and gathering flowers for Ferdinand; and she remembers the time 
when he used to give her flowers and thinks there has been a sad falling 
off in his affection since their marriage and wishes that human beings, like 
flowers, could be united without all harmony being lost. But the losing 
woman determines not to think of their marriage in this melancholy fashion, 
imagines that her husband is pre-occupied about something, and resolves 
that their life shall still be couleur de rose if a woman's love can make it 
so. In the morning's mail are two letters for herself from Florence and 
Kitty Hayland. The former tells her how sure she is of her perfect bliss 
with Ferdinand, while the latter having read between the lines of her 
friend's last letter, tells her in a few energetic words of her confidence that 
her husband is the cause of this unhappiness, and implores her to assert 
herself, to treat him exactly as he treats her and not to relax until he is 
quite subdued. The loyal wife is greatly shocked and very indignant 
towards Kitty whose interference she angrily resents, and is about to burn 
the letter when Mr. Honeyton ill-naturedly enters the room. Then 



A HAPPY PAIR. 3 

ensues a scene of sulky indifference on his part in response to the aftection- 
atc words and caresses of his wife which annoy and disgust him to the 
point of finally telling her that he married her simply to oblige her, which 
.o hurts and enrages poor Constance that she suddenly realizes that she 
lias killed his love by too much cherishing ; so she reluctantly adopts Kitty's 
:!;ivice and proceeds to pay him back in his oVn coin, which completely 
*;verwhelms Mr. Honey ton with astonishment and irritation. But the 
■ iiange of treatment is productive of a good effect until he finds Kitty's 
letter which has been carelessly dropped. That makes it quite another 
matter. He now understands tlie alteration in his wife's manner and will 
lat allow such a piece of trickery to succeed ; so he acts the part of the 
)ving husband until Constance joyfully throws aside her mask, when he 
t:ands her the letter with the assurance that he has discovered her table of 
rules, which plainly shows her the mistake she has made in assuming a 
])art, and she now tells him that he has destroyed all pretended opposition 
by arousing the real feeling itself, and that henceforth she will not need 
anoiher's direction but will speak her own words, stand on her own ground 
and cast duty and obedience to the winds. Ferdinand is thoroughly 
awakened at last and recognizes that his wife's anger is all due to his cold- 
ness and ill-temper; and with penitent sincerity he begs her forgiveness 
which she is only too happy to grant. 

COSTUMES. 

Mii. HoNKYTON. — Neglige morning suit. 

Mrs. HoNEYTOx.—Fashionable morning gown. Hair, d la mode. 

PROPERTIES. 

I'urniture and appointments as per scene plot. Books, ornaments, etc., 
and thread in work 1;ox on table, I.. C. Breakfast and service for tw.) 
l)ersons, and jar of honey on table, R.; also five letters and two newspapers. 
Cigars in case on mantel. Bunch of roses for Mrs. Honeyton. Wide- 
awake hat (for second entrance) and matches for Mr. Honeyton. Fire- 
.shovel, tongs, etc. 

STAGE SETTING AND SCENE PLOT. 



Door Fire Plice 



Tahle 



C'bair% ^ 
Table 



4 A HAPPY PAIR. 

Scene. — Fancy chamber boxed in 30. Doors, r. 3 e. ancl ;.. 2 e., 
Mantel and fire-place, with fire, c. Window, L. in flat. Breakfast table 
and chair, R. Small table and chair down l. c. Easy chair and foot-stool. 
Carpet down. 

N, B. Set scenery is not essential to the action, and may be dispensed 
with if preferred, 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

The player is supposed to face the audience, r., means right; l., left; 
c, centre ; R. c, right of centre ; L. c, left of centre ; D, F., door in the 
flat or back scene ; R. F., right side of the flat; L. F., left side of the flat; 
R. D., right door; L. D., left door; i E., first entrance; 2 E., second 
entrance ; u. E., upper entrance ; i, 2, or 3 c, first, second or third grooves; 
UP STAGE, towards the back ; down stage, towards the fooilights, 

R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

Note. — The text of this play is correctly reprinted from the original 
authorized acting edition, without change. The introductory matter has 
been carefully prepared by an expert, and is the only part of this book 
protected by copyright. 





A HAPPY PAIR. 



Scene. — A breakfast room elegantly furnished — breakfast on the 
table at ^., fireplace at back in the centre. Large window, L., 
sofa R., table!., c. doors R. u. E. and 'L. 2 e. 

Enter, Mrs. Honeyton. 

There, Ferdinand's not down yet ! How late he is. I've" had 
some breakfast, for I was so. hungry I could wait no longer — 
written two letters, been twice round the garden, and gathered 
these roses on purpose for him. [takes some thread from a work-box 
and begins to tie them together) There was a time, five months ago, 
when he used to give me bouquets and not I him. That was before 
we were married, of course. There seems to be some dreadful 
principle in human nature, some horrid law, that the man must 
pay the attentions before marriage and the woman afterwards ; 
and the men have the best of the bargain, too, for I am sure in my 
most coquettish moods I never received Ferdinand's attendons, 
then, with a hundredth part the coldness with which he receives 
mine now ! O, there's been a sad falling off in him, a sad falhng 
off, a gradual decadence, a decline and fall in his affections like a 
thermometer in an increasing frost. There ! [holding tip the 
bouquet) Don't they look nice now they're tied together? Flow 
beautifully they harmonize ! O, the happy flowers, that don't 
change their tint and become something quite different directly 
they're coupled, as human creatures too often do directly they re 
tied together — pleasant flowers that can be united in this way 
v/ithout all harmony being lost. But I won't think of our union, 
Ferdy's and mine, in this melancholy fashion. Perhaps he's only 
a little put out about something — I will still be cheerful, and 
happy, and loving, and in time he must come round again, and be 
as nice and affectionate as ever. Our life shall not be so unlike 
the flowers but that it shall be still couleur de r<?^^' if a woman's 



6 A HAPPY PAIR. 

love can make it so. And he's quite a darling after all. O, {turn- 
ing to the table) here aie the letters. Let me see [lookmg at them 
one ajter the other) For P^erdy, Ferdy, Ferdy, me, Ferdy. There 
they are all ready for him with the roses a-top of them ; an i 
there's his chair, {^pushing a7i easy chair to the table) and there's his 
footstool, [giving it a7i affectio7iate pat) and there are the news- 
papers, so now for my letter. O, from Florence, of course, {opejis 
it) with a few lines from Kitty too. Now then, Florence first. — 
" Own precious darling of a Constance " — dear affectionate girl — 
"just returned from our tour in Spain--Spain is the most beauti- 
ful " — 'm — 'm — 'm — O, it must be lovely 'm — 'm — 'm — O how 
charming 'm — 'm — 'm — Ha, ha, ha! just fancy — 'm — 'm — 'm — 
" tell you more when we meet. I will come and stay with you as 
soon as you like — give my love to Ferdinand, and believe me " — 
ah, the dear girl. " P. S. I picture to myself your perfect bhss 
with Ferdinand, my heart tells me that you are indeed a happy 
pair." [sadly) Does it tell you true? [gaily) O, of course, yes. 
yes. Now, for Kitty. " Dearest Con. I have only time for three 
lines. I saw your last letter to Flo : and I am sure you are not 
happy." What! I'm certain I never said so — "gather this 
generally from your note." I detest people who gather things 
generally. " Now, darling Con., this unhappiness can only 
spring from one cause, your husband — married unhappiness 
always does spring from that one cause, the husband. I need Hot 
pause to tell you that I have felt certain from the first that your 
Ferdinand, whom, as you may remember, I did not rejoice at 
yourmarrying- — " (No! she wanted to marry him herself) " — that 
your Ferdinand 'm — 'm — would turn out a tyrant, a brute, but let 
me entreat you to crush anything of that kind at once. Directly 
he shows the cloven-foot, stamp upon it. Prompt resistance is the 
only thing. Hold the mirror up to his tyrannical nature by treat- 
ing him exactly as he treats you. By our long friendship I be- 
seech you, by our sisterly affection, by all your hopes of happi- 
ness, don't be bullied " — (underhned dreadfully) ; " but be most 
careful not to let him suspect that you have been instigated to this 
course by anyone, and as you love me, darling Con., don't relax 
until he's quite subdued." But I don't love her after such a letter 
— it's shameful, positively shameful. Trying to sow discord 
between husband and wife, /forget my duty and my love ? I— 
Oh, Kitty, I couldn't have believed it of you. [going as if to tear it) 
No ! tearing' s not bad enough, [walkifig pro7nptly to the fire-place) 
It deserves burning by the hangman, [pausing) No! I won't burn 
it yet — I'll — I'll — Here comes Ferdinand ! Perhaps, I'll show it 
him. [puts letter i7i her pocket) 

Enter, Mr. Honeyton, l. d. He co77tes surlily to the front. 

Mrs. H. Well, dear, [he walks across to the window) Well, my 



A HAPPY PAIR. 7 

love, [he looks 7tp at the sky) Breakfast's quite ready, my darling. 
[he yawns tremendously) What will you have ? [he pokes the fire) 
There are your letters,' P>rdy dear. 

Honey, [grujiis) Oh ! [tosses the roses into the slop-basin and 
t lakes up the letters) 

Mrs. H, O, P^erdy, I gathered those roses for you myself, and 
got my feet so wet walking through the dewy grass. Yes, I did, 
though somebody used to tell me once that my foot was so light it 
wouldn't brush the dew oli:^ a daisy. 

Honey, [coldly) What a fool somebody must have been — once. 

Mrs. H. [playfully) Why, my darling, you used to say so before 
we were married, you know. 

Honey. Have I ever said so since we were married ? 

Mrs. H. I don't think you have, indeed. 

Honey. Very well, then. It's plain I've repented of the false- 
hood, so you needn't throw that in my face again. 

Mrs. H. Why, my own Nandy didn't think I meant to reproach 
him. No, no [rising and going towards him with the roses) let me 
put it in his button hole [taking hold of his coat) and 

Honey, Constance, for goodness' sake don't paw me about. 
Will you have the kindness to give me a cup of tea, and not play 
the fool.? I do very positively decline to be dressed out with flow- 
ers like a maypole, or a ritualistic church at Christmas-time. 

Mrs. H. [aside) O, he's crosser than ever to-day. [pours out tea 
and gives it him) Won't you eat anything, love ? 

Honey. O, no, don't bother me to eat. Mayn't I even have 
my own appetite to myself? I abominate having my meals forced 
down my throat as if I were a confounded cannon. 

Mrs. H. [sitting dozvn and sipping tea) I've had a letter from 
Florence Hayland, dearest, [a pause) Such a delightful letter. 
Shall I read you some of it? [he takes up ajtother letter) Shall I, 
Ferdy? You were so fond of Florence, you know, [a pause) 
Shall I read it, Nandy ? [he opens his letter— she reads) " My own 
precious darling of a Constance " 

Honey, [to himself) Oh, Gibson's found me a pair of horses at 
last. 

Mrs. H. Did you speak, dear? [continuing) "We have just 
returned from our tour in Spain. Spain is quite the most beauti- 
ful country you ever beheld. The landscapes are of the most 
gorgeous colors, being principally " 

Honey, [to himself) " Coal black," eh ? 

Mrs. H. [to him) What, dear? [a pause — she continues) "The 
pastures extending in rich luxuriance for miles, have all " 

Honey, [to himself ) "Been fired," Hum! 

Mrs. H. "And the mountains are none of them " 

Honey, [to himself) " .Less than sixteen hands high.' 



8 A HAPPY PAIR. 

Mrs. H. [io him) Eh, love? [reads) "The people are very 
curious. All the men have " 

Honey, [to himself ) " Stringhalt slightly." Don't like that. 

Mrs. H. [io him) No, dear, of course not. And just listen to 
this, [reads) "All the women go about with " 

Honey, [io himself) "One white stocking on the near hind 
leg." 

Mrs. H. [to him) What did you say, love? [a pause) Isn't it a 
strange country, Ferdy ? And then she says — oh, here — " I will 
come and stay with you as long as ever you like. Give my love 
to Ferdinand, and " 

Honey. What's that you're reading? 

Mrs. H. Florence Hayland's letter, dear? 

Honey. And what does she say about coming to stay ? 

Mrs. H. That she will come as soon as ever we like, so I'll 
write at once and tell her 

Honey. Not to come. 

Mrs. H. What, Ferdy ? 

Honey. Tell her not to come. 

Mrs. H. O, Ferdy, and you used to like her so. 

Honey. Do you understand me? — tell her not to come. 

Mrs. H. But, my dear, after inviting her so warmdy. 

Honey. You must put her off warmly "" ' .. of course. Be as 
affectionate as you like by letter — goor knows you've affec- 

ionate lerms enough at your command. 

Mrs. H. But you promised at our marri^ric, you know, that she 
should come. 

Honey. Oh, marriage promises go for nothing. 

Mrs. H. [n-proachfiilly) Do they ? 

Honey. Why, don't they? You promised to obey, you know, 
but it seems you never meant it. 

Mrs. H. Oh, Ferdinand, I did and I do. 

Honey. Then obey. 

Mrs. H. Whatever you direct, of course — I'll write at once. 

Exit, sorrowfuliy, L. door. 

Honey. Scarcely fair, perhaps, that last insinuation of mine. 
She does the love and obey business to the letter — too much a 
great deal. Simply sickens me with it. [reaching across the table) 
Ha, a fly got into the honey ! What ! you would go in for sweets, 
sir, would you? How do you like it now, eh? Sometliing too 
much of this, I fancy. Look at the poor wretch, all glued up 
together, leg tied to leg and wing to wing, as vainly trying to move 
easily and naturally in his sweet bondage, as a married m.an, con- 
found it 1 Ha, ha! I can sympathize \\\\\\ you, sir — I understand 
your feelings perfectly. What am I but a miserable fly in tl c 
matriividnial honeypot? Upon m.y soul, this perpetual billing rr.J 
cuoing like a couple of confor.r.ded do\cs — tl-is i Ncilnsting pigeon 



A HAPPY PAIR. 9 

JEnglish, as the Chinaman says, of dears and pets, and sweets and 
darhngs, is worrying me steadily and surely to an early grave. 
It's all very well when one's courting, and, for, say a week, perhaps 
after marriage — but to drag all this sweet stuff into your everyday 
life, to suppose that a man's ordinary existence is to be for ever 
garnished with loves and doves, and blisses and kisses !-^'gad. 
you might as well provision a campaigning army with Everton 
.offee ! Pah, I must have a cigar to take the sweet taste out of 
-ny mouth. My vital spark can't stand this much longer. Where 
i le dickens are my weeds ? Faith, if this sort of thing is to go on, 
the next quesuon will be — where are he?s ? Oh, for a hitle spirit, 
a little resistance even ; a little less treacle and a little more 

Enter, Mrs. Honeyton, l. door. 

Constance, w-here's my cigar-case? 

Mrs. H. Here, darling, on the mantelpiece. Shall I pick one 
out for my own Nandy ? 

Honey. {Jo audience) Nandy ! My name's Ferdinand, you 
know ! 

Mrs. H. And shall I light it for him, as I used to do? 

Honey, [to audience) Confound it ! [furiously) Will you give me 
those weeds? 

Mrs. H. [in astonishinejii) Ferdy ! 

Honey. Ferdy now. Plague take it, Constance, must my poor 
name always either drop its tail like a tadpole, or lose its head as 
if it had been guilty of high treason ? Must it always come limp- 
ing into the world, with only half its members about it like the 
statue in Leicester Square? 

Mrs. H. A few months ago my Ferdinand would not have 
spoken to his Constance in this cruel — cruel way. 

Honey. My Ferdinand! I don't know Mrs. Honeyton whether 
you are designedly insulting me by speaking of me as if I were 
some one else a great distance off, by utterly ignoring my presence 
in your immediate neighborhood, but let me tell you that it is a 
figurative way of cutting me dead in my own house which annoys 
me excessively; do you understand? — which annoys me exces- 
sively. 

Mrs. H. Very well, dear Ferdinand, — I'll not do it again — Fll 
try to recollect. 

Honey, [aside) Still treacle ! Linked sweetness long drawn out. 
[seating himself, l. ; she stands at table, C. , behind him) 

Mrs. H. Ferdinand! [no answer) Ferdinand! [no answer) Fer- 
dinand ! 

Honey, [counting them on his fingers) Yes, now I'm curi; us to 
know how long you intend to go on repeating my name as if you 
were some eccentric ghost in a haunted house. That's three 
times. 



10 A HAPPY PAIR. 

Mrs. H. I was trying to attract your attention as I wished to ask 
you a question 

Honey. Be quick then, please ; my cigar's waiting. 

Mrs. H. Why did you marry me, Ferdinand? 

Honey. Ha, ha ! eh ! 

Mrs. H. Why did you marry me ? 

Honey. Why did I marry you ? ha, ha ! [rising) Oh, you showed 
so distinctly that you wished it — [^strolling towards the door)—\\\\'\ 
I did it — [striking a match) — 'pon my word, merely to oblige ) ou , 
merely to oblige you, by Jove ! Exit, doorh. 

Mrs. H. [starting up) It's not true — it's— it's — a dreadful story. 
To oblige m.e ! when he begp"ed and prayed with tears in his eyes 
that I'd pity him ; when he went down on his knees on the gravel 
walk, looking so ridiculous but such a darling, and vowed he 
couldn't live without me ; wlien he talked about early graves and 
blighted hopes, and blew first hot and then cold, raxing now of 
fires and then of frosts, his poor heart always at one end of the 
thermometer or the other, till — till — and all to oVjlige me! It's a 
dreadful story. I've spoiled him. I've killed his love for me, as 
an over careful mother may kill her children, by too much cher- 
ishing. I longed to make my love the sunshine of his life, and 
now I find the m eeds have grown and not the flowers. O dear 
Kitty, thanks, thanks for your timicly letter. As my affection only 
repels him, I'll try what coldness and disdain will do. I'll take a 
leaf out of his book that shall make him detest his whole library. 
I'll pay him back in his own coin till he cries out for a reform in 
the currency. I'll be trodden on no longer without a struggle. 
The worm has turned at last, the worm has turned, [reading the 
letter passionately) "I have felt certain from the first that your 
Ferdinand would turn out a tyrant — entreat you to crush anything 
of that kind at once — directly he shows the cloven foot, stamp 
upon it — by our long friendship, by our sisterly affection, by all 
your hopes of happiness, don't be bullied." I'll try it, I will try it, 
but only for a short time. If it should fail, I will return submis- 
sively to my duty ; but if Kitty's plan should succeed, I'll — I'll 
give her — oh, I'll give her such a bracelet. It is a delicate game 
I am going to play but surely I cannot lose, as I am playing for 
love — only for love. [Wo'^^y outside l. 2 E. "Whiffins!") There, 
he's coming. Can I do it? Yes, I will. Farewell my afiecdon 
for a short time ; [with a, loving look towards the door) my love 
puts on its mask and — [changing her expression suddenly) — Now 
I'm ready, [seats herself at writitig-table, L.) 

Enter, Mr. Honeyton, doori.., wearing a wide-awake hat. 

Honey. Whiffins! confound it I where's Whiffins? The grey 
mare has got loose and there's not a groom to be seen about the 



A HAPPY PAIR. II 

place. Provoking*, being interrupted in one's weed in this way — 
where's Whiffins, d'you hear? 

Mrs. H. It's not my place to know where Whiffins is. 

Honey, [with a look of some surprise) It's your place to know 
where everything is that your husband wants. 

Mrs. H. Then I ought to know where his manners are, for he 
wants them woefully. 

Honey. What do you mean, Mrs. Honeyton ? 

Mrs. H. Take off your hat, sir, when you enter a room where 
your wife is sitting. 

Honey, {^aghast) Upon my life the grey mare has got loose 
indeed ! [aside — affer a moment removes his hat) 

Mrs. H. [aside) Oh, how astonished he looks, poor darling. 
There he has — bless you, Kitty. 

Honey, [severely) Constance, I find some difficulty in under- 
standing 

Mrs. H. The candor of that confession is the only part of it 
likely to surprise any one who knows you. 

Honey. V>o you remember to whom you're speaking ? 

Mrs. H. Disdnctly. It doesn't follow that I must forget you 
because you so constantly forget yourself. 

Honey. Don't reply to me in that way. 

Mrs. H. Don't speak to me in that way, then. 

Honey. Speak to you ! must I remind you once more that it is 
for you to obey ; that that's in the marriage service ? 

Mrs. H. And must I 

Honey. Hold your tongue, madam. 

Mrs. H. Pardon me \^[7'isiitg quickly and curtsey i7ig) that's not 
in the marriage service. 

Honey, [aside) Confound it ! How — how abominably — pretty she 
looks. But of course this must not be submitted to. [aloud) Con- 
stance ! 

Mrs. H. [forgetting) Yes, dear, [as he turns sharply) Well, 
sir. 

Honey. Mrs. Honeyton, I am unable to account for your most 
extraordinary behavior. Let me tell you Constance, that the duty 
of a wife 

Mrs. H. Now look here, sir! I won't be lectured — I simply 
won't be lectured, so you're only wasting your breath. I'm sick 
of your sermons; your eternal preachee — preachee. Why, I 
m.ight as well have been married to a Low Church curate. 

Honey. I wish to goodness you had been, then, to anybody but 
me. 

Mrs. H. Wonderful ! we think alike for once. 

Honey. What ! Do you mean to say that you regret your raar- 
ria<xe with me ? 



12 A HAPPY PAIR. 

Mrs. H, And if I did say so, have I done anything but imitate 
you ? And if I imitate you, of course I must be right. 

Honey. Oh, you flatter me, ma'am. 

Mrs. H. Just so ; imitation, they say, is the sincerest flattery. 

Honey. Well, Constance, I never expected to hear this from 
your lips. 

Mrs. H. No ! Why, it must have been quite a pleasant sur 
prise. 

Honey. Take care, ma'am, take care ; you're playing a dan- 
gerous game and may make a mistake. 

Mrs. H. I've not in this case, at any rate, for didn't I follow my 
partner's lead ? 

Honey. But suppose it was all a joke, Mrs. Honeyton ? 

Mrs. H. What sir, your marriage? 

Honey. No, by gad ! that was no joke ; there was nothing to 
laugh at in that. 

Mrs. H. But it doesn't follow that you didn't intend a joke 
because there was nothing in it to laugh at, you know, Mr. 
Honeyton. 

Honey, [aside) How confounded sharp she is, bless her — I mean 
hang her ; I mean — [aloud) Why will you pervert every syllable 
that comes out of my mouth? You change the meaning of my 
words 

Mrs. H. Well, any change in them must be for the better, that's 
one comfort. 

Honey. Change ! I can tell you there's such a thing as giving 
bad change for a good sovereign. 

Mrs. H. And what represents the go^Td sovereign, sir, if you 
please ? 

Honey. The affection that pours from my lips, ma'am — the 
undebased currency of sincere love — the unchpped money of 
devoted attachment. All this is 

Mrs. H. The mere worthless coinage of your brain. Attempt to 
recall one affectionate word of your uttering this morning — one- 
one threepenny piece, even, of sincere love — one 'single coin 
which will not ring false and deserve to be nailed to the counter 
as a warning to bad husbands. 

Honey, [aside) It strikes me I'm getting the worst of it. 

Mrs. H. No, sir; the circulating medium of your affection is 
anything but a golden mean, and the notes of your love-language 
are drawn on the bank of Inelegance. 

Hjney. Mrs. Honeyton, it is useless prolonging this unseemly 
bandying of words. For me to set my wit against a woman's 
would be cowardly, to argue with her absurd. Wit and argument 
in my case are quite out of place. 

ivirs. H. And so tiiev' ought to be, considering what shockingly 



A HAPPY PAIR. 13 

bad servants they've been to you in the present instance. How- 
ever I'll relieve you, for a time, of my detested presence. 

Honj;/. Detested! Constance, when you know that I worship 
— [aside] What the dickens am I saying? 

Mrs. H. [aside) There shall be diamonds in that bracelet, Kitty. 
(jfioud) Well, sir, I didn't quite catch the end of that remark. 

Honey. Perhaps it had no end, ma'am. 

Mrs. H. Nothing more likely, sir ; few of your remarks have. 

Honey, [aside] Confound her ! 

Mrs. H. Well, good morning, I'm going for a drive. 

Honey. No you're not; at least, not in my carriage. 

Mrs. H. Oh, you're going to make the carriage a vehicle for 
tyranny, now, are you? 

Honey. Tyranny is, not a word for a wife to use to her husband, 
let me remind you 

Mrs. H. Not to a good husband, I know. 

Honey. Then you imply that I am a bad one ? 

Mrs. H. Ask your conscience, sir. 

Honey. I shall not trouble my conscience about the matter, 
ma'am. 

Mrs. H. I wish then your conscience would trouble jc/^ about 
it. But the inward monitor has, I fear, long since forgotten its 
duty. 

Honey. Ha, ha! In imitation of my wife, no doubt. 

Mrs. H. And for the same reason, perhaps, long-continued 
neglect. 

Honey. Why, what the plague — confound it! you'd provoke a 
saint. 

Mrs. H. Possibly ; but the present company, you know, affords 
no opportunity for the exercise of my talent that way. [bowing 
slightly and moving towJi'ds door, L.) 

Honey, [aside] Hang it ! this is getting rather unpleasant. To 
be on these terms with the wife one adores is — is — I'll speak 
calmly to her, quite calmly, [turning towards her just as she calls 
ol) 

Mrs. H. Oh, Whiffins, order me the carriage. 

Honey. How dare you, you insolent woman! How dare you 
defy me to my face, )'ou, you — [rushes towards her— she bajigs the 
door and leans her b-i 'k against it] 

Mrs. H. Don' t make an exhibidon of yourself before the servants 
at any rate, Mr. Honeyton. Don't let them overhear their master, 
whom it is their place at least to try to respect, giving way to 
unseemly fits of rage, and using language only fit for Billingsgate 
or St. Giles' . 

Honey. Upon my honor, now, I — I — but [snatching up a news- 
paper and throwijig himself into a chair] it's ridiculous my attempt- 
ing to argue 



14 A HAPPY PAIR. 

Mrs. H. [takijig up aiiothcj- paper a7id sitting do'iini ) S;; ii bcems, 
indeed ! 

Honey, [aside) Hang her! [aloud] What have we got here— 
[reads) — "Matrimonial Squabbles!" Ha ! ha ! 

Mrs. H. [7-eads) " Barbarous Conduct to a Wife ! Outraged; - 
Crueh.y ! ' ' 

Honey, [reads) " Inconipatii^ilily of Temper ! " Oh ! of course 1 

Mrs. H. [reads) " Fiisoner a brutal looking fellow ! " Ah ! just 
like them all ! 

Hone;/, [reads) "Witnesses called t-) i rove the infernal cruelty 
practiced by this woman towards her urfortunate husband!" 
Just so ! the old story. 

Mrs. H. {re{7^<'s) " Poor victim deposed that her husband struck 
her on the head with a poker, exclauning " 

Honey, [reads) " Forty shillings or one month!" Hope they 
gave her the month. They did ! Happy, liappy man !— for a 
month. 

Mrs. H. [reads) "Penal serviti;de for seven years!" Serve 
him right, the rufifian. " 

Honey. i(}rfiectiveiy) Were it not for the protecting arm of the 
law, some husbands would surely Icng to cl-.ange condition with 
the brutes. 

Mrs. H. [in the same tone) Vvhich, in t'.c case of some husbands, 
would be no change at all. 

Honey. So you call me a brute now, ma'am ! [startijig itp) Well, 
if anyone had told me yesterday that my wife would ever behave 
to me like this, I'd have crammed the he dcwn his audacious 
throat. 

Mrs. H. [aside] So would I. Oh, Kitty, Kiny, it's all your 
doing ! 

Honey. If anyone had said to me t!^.at my — my Constance was 
merely acting the affectionate wife ; that her love was all a 
sham 

Mrs. H. [aside) If he goes on like this, I can't keep it up— I 
must give way. 

Honey. That she would forget her vows of affecUon and obe- 
dience, and casting her duty from her, throw all her sweet v. omanly 
nature to the four winds 

Mrs. H. I deny it; it's a vile slander — I deny it, utterly. 

Honey. What's the good of your denying it when the fac',3 
speak for themselves? Where is the duty which, as a wife, ycu 
owe to your husband ? 

Mrs. H. Paid, sir — paid, long ago — ten times over — and no 
receipt given for it. 

Honey. Pooh ! Love and duty are not to be looked upon as 
mere marketable articles ; you'd make a regular debtor and credi- 
tor transaction of it, I suppose; so much paymoiu for so much 



A HAPPY PAIR. 15 

love, as if you bought it at a grocer's; or worse still, perhaps, 
money down and pay your own carriage, as if you dealt at a 
co-operative store. 

Mrs. H. In your present insolent mood, let me advise you to 
draw your illustrations from some source more congenial than the 
Civil service. 

Honey. All very fine, Mrs. Honeyton, no doubt, but if an appeal 
to love and duty falls unregarded upon your ear, I have no resource 
but to take my stand upon my authority. 

Mrs. H. Your authority ? [snapping her fingers) That for your 
authority ! Thus I trample upon your authority, {stamping, and 
happening to come down on his toes) 

Honey. Confound it, Constance ! [hopping about) Do you imagine 
that I carry my authority in my feet ? 

Mrs. H. [aside) Oh, his poor toes ! [aloud) Somewhere in that 
quarter I suppose, as you are taking your stand upon it. 

Honey. Mrs. Honeyton, do you know where such conduct as 
this of yours is likely to drive me? 

Mrs. H. [aside) O, whatever's he going, to say now? [aloud) 
To the chiropodist's, sir? 

Honey. To the Divorce Court, madam. 

Mrs. H. [aside) O, good gracious! [aloud) Very well, sir — to 
the Divorce Court be it — Honeyton vs. Honeyton by all means. 
But don't say I drove you there ! don't say that, you Blue Beard, 
you ! 

Honey. Ha! ha! if you think that the mention of that oriental 
hero is calculated to annoy me, you're mistaken. 'Gad, no! it's 
a compliment rather. Ah ! what a man he was — he knew how to 
stop a woman's tongue. 

Mrs. H. Yes, by cutting off her head — a nice way, truly. 

Honey. Mrs. Honeyton, upon my honor, 1 believe it is the only 
way. 

Mrs. H. Well, in case you should feel inclined to adopt it, you'll 
pardon me if I retire. 

Honey. One word, Constance. How long is this sort of thing 
to go on, please ? For if this is your way of treating me, why the 
plague did you marry me? 

Mrs. H. Why did I marry you ? Why, you showed so dis- 
tinctly that you wished it, [mimic kijig him) that I did it merely to 
oblige you— merely to oblige you, by Jove ! [laughing, goes off l. 
door, imitating Honeyton' s manner — dropping the letter) 

Honey. She had me there, I confess ; she certainly had me 
there. But what an atrocious — what a direct falsehood. If ever 
tliere was a case of mutual affection in this world it was ours. 
Why, she was over head and ears, over bonnet and chignon, in 
love with me ; and, for my part, I — T — It occurs to me, do you 
know, that I've been a fool rather. While she was good and lov- 



l6 A HAPPY PAIR. 

ing I did not appreciate it — I rather rejected it. If I recollect 
rightly I compared myself to that fly in the honey. What a con- 
founded ass I must have been ! A fly in the honey, indeed ! 
[^looking for the insect ) By Jove ! the poor wretch has tumbled into 
the hot 'water now, [picking it out) Faith, my friend, there are 
worse things than honey, ain't tliere ? And haven't I done just the 
same ; quarrelled wilh my honey and got into hot water as well? 
{picking up the rose and kissing it) I'll go back to the honey 
again, [^sticking it in his coat) I'm just as much in love as ever I 
was, and I'll — what's this? [taking up Kitty's tetter) Eh! O, a 
letter from Kitty Mayland! She never told me she'd heard from 
Kitty. I always liked Kitty, she's a sweet girl, [reads) "Dearest 
Con." Eh ! hang it! v.hat the dickens! [reads to end, theft reads 
it again) Oh, very well, Miss Kitty. Pernicious little mischief- 
maker ! I always detested that girl; hated her like poison from 
the first. Ah! by Jove! I see it all. So Constance's behavior 
v/as — I understand — all a piece of acting, eh ! That makes it 
quite another matter — never do to allow such a piece of trickery 
as that to be successful. By Jove, I'll fight her at her own wea- 
pons. You shall see the engineer hoisted with his own petard. I'll 
act the loving husband till sLe tl^.rows off her mask, and then — 
Here she comes, [pockets the h-tier — she enters L. door) 

Mrs. H. [aside) I've dropped Kitty's letter somewhere, and oh, 
if he should have found it ! 

Honey, [aside) I mustn't be too gushing all of a sudden, [aloud, 
pensively) You appear to be looking for some thing, Constance. 

Mrs. H. Yes — I — Kitty Hayland's letter! [cautiously with a side 
look at hint) I've — I've dropped it somewhere. 

Honey. Oh I you didn't tell me you had a letter from her — I 
hope she's well, the dear girl. 

Mrs. H. [aside) It's all right ; and he looks less cold than I 
have seen him for a long time — and he's put my roses in his but- 
ton-hole, too. Victory ! 

Honey. Let me help you. to look for it. 

Mrs. H. Oh no, I couldn't think of troubhng you. 

Honey. Time was, Constance, when you wouldn't have called 
r.iy help trouble. 

Mrs. H. Time was, when you wouldn't have thought it so. 

Honey. I don't think it so now, dear. 

Mrs. H. [aside) Dear! That is an advance. Oh, if lie should 
sec this letter, it would ruin all. 

Honey, [gazing at her fondly) Constance ! 

Mrs. K. [aside) I wonder whether I dropped it out of my pocket, 
or wliat. (searching in various parts of the room) 

Honey. Constance, [aside) Hang it! why doesn't slic attend? 

Mrs. H. [ande) Perhaps I left it upstairs after all. . 

Honey. Const.'. nee ! [aside) Confound her. 



A HAPPY PAIR \j 

Mrs. H. Yes, you know it's quite a matter for speculation how 
often you are going to say that ; that's three times. Are we to 
have any more of it ? 

Honey. This treatniePit at your hands— hands that ought 

Mrs. H. There, sir, you need not abuse my hands. There's 
nothing to find fault with in them, I'm sure. You can't compkiin 
of your luck in that respect at any rate. You've thrown sixes and 
ought to be contented. 

Honey. Constance, I may have been to blame in the way in 
which I've treated you ; I may have seemed cold and neg- 
lectful 

Mrs. H. You don't say so, sir. 

Honey. Don't speak to me in those icy tones, Constance ; I may 
have been wrong, but don't trample upon me when I own it. 
Remember, as Shakespeare says, that the poor beetle that you 

tread upon ■ 

Mrs. H. Well I never! calling my feet beetlecrushers now. 
{seaii7tg herself on sofa, R., and spreading her dress over it) Go on, 
sir, pray go on ; [aside) one or two other such speeches and I 
shall drop into his arms. 

Honey, [aside) Two minutes more of this and I shall smash the 
furniture, [aloud) Still determined to misunderstand me ? [placing 
a footstool near her, after vainly trying to find room on sofa by her) 
May I sit here at your feet? 

Mrs. H. You can sit wherever you like, of course, [aside) It's 
his proper place, as I'm giving him such a lesson. 

Honey, [looking up at her and sighing) Ah ! [aside) Nothing 
hke a sigh to start with, [sighs) Ah ! 

Mrs. H. [aside) How he's sighing, poor darhng ! 
Honey, [sighs) Oh ! 

Mrs. H. [aside) Oh, dear! But I must hold out a little 
longer, [aloud) May I ask what those sighs are the prelude to? 
Honey. Constance, I want to say three words to you. 
Mrs. H. Gracious ! is everything to go on in threes this morning ? 
Three repetitions of my name, three sighs, and now a speech of 
three words. 

Honey. And it is so then, and I have indeed lost the affection 
that was my chief earthly treasure. The glory is departed from 
my life, and the love that I had regarded as pure metal is but 
electro-plated after all— the jewels but worthless stones— the 
diamonds those pecuhar to Bristol. 

Mrs. H. [aside) I'm going, Kitty ; I'm going. 

Honey, [aside) Still unsoftened ! Hang it ! I'll— I'll shed a few 

tears, [aloud) Emotion such as mine may, perhaps, only excite 

your scorn ; you may sneer at these drops as unmanly, but the 

anguish of the heart is insensible to scorn and derision, [rising and 



1 8 A JIAi j-y J- AIR, 

wilkingio {hejlre-place^ O, my w'.dowed heart 1 O, nr; Constance ! 
^.iine no more ! 

Mrs. H. No, P'erdy, oh no, no. Your's btili — yours ;l\\i.)s. 
O, forgive me ! It has been all pretence, all sham, i.il — [rus/nng 
towards him) 

Honey, [holding out the letter) Permit me ! 

Mrs. H. [with a scream) Ah ! 

Koney. Just so! Miss Kitty Hayland's very facetious letter. 
If you will glance over it again you will find one admonit.on 
which you have scarcely attended to as in prudence you ought. 
" Don't let him suspect that you have been incited to this by any- 
one else, and don't relax until he's quite subdued." I think I'll 
have a weed, [strolls to the door, whistling softly, " See the conquer- 
ing hero comes " ) 

Mrs. H. [just as he gains the door) Stop, sir ! 

Honey, [stopping) Eli ! 

Mrs. H. I confess tliat this letter was what induced me to treat 
you as I have done. 

Honey. Yes, thanks I Happened to have discovered tViat for 
myself. A coiifcssion when all's known deserves an absolution 
when all's forgotten, [slie tears ufi the letter and tJirows it irJo the 
fire) Oh! that's ungrateful! that's imprudent! Why tear up 
your table of rules ? 

Mrs. H. Because I need them no longer ; because I have that 
to guide me which is above rules ; because my resistance will 
need for the future no supporting hand, no directing voice — hence- 
forth it can walk without aid from anyone. You have destroyed 
the poor phantom of opposition by raising the very principle itself. 
This morning I was a mere puppet, an actress speaking another's 
words, moving by another's direction, but now I speak my ow n 
words, I stand on my own ground, and so standing, I defy ycu. 

Honey. By gad ! this is a different sort of thing, indeed. 

Mrs. H. When I said I married you for anything but love, that I 
took you out of compassion only, I said what was false, what was 
utterly false. I married you for love — real, sincere, ardent love. 
When I said that I regretted my marriage with you, that I uished 
my hand had been given to another, I said what was false again. 
I had never regretted it, never for a single instant. When I spoke 
of neglecting my duty, of disobeying your wishes, I was acting, 
trying to cheat you into beheving me undutiful and disobedient. 

Honey, [soothingly) Yes, never mind ; you did it so well, 
y^ou 

Mrs. H. It was all a sham, all put on. I would not have dis- 
obeyed you really, for a kingdom ; but now I've done with duty ; 
I cast obedience to the winds — and the love of the girl and the 
love of the wife — [falling upon the sofa and covering her face) Oh, 
where are they — where are they ? 



A HAPPY PAIR. 19 

Hon-y. This is the real thing past all denying— my confoundetl 
coldness and ill-temper have borne their fruit at last, [to audicrue\ 
You know I've been a fool, and a brute, I have — I— I — Constance ! 
Constance! I've been mad, cruel, wicked, anything you hke ; 
nothing's too bad for me. Pitch into me, do— get up and abuse 
my head off— do anything— I own all my faults. I've neglected 
you, treated you coldly, used you abominably — I see it all now ; 
but, upon my honor, I'll be different for the future. Won't yon 
believe me ? 

Mrs. H. How can I beheve you, when 

Honey. Of course, how can you when I've been such a villain ? 
How can I make you believe me— how can I prove to yo.u— W,l! 
you believe me if I get some one to answer for me ? Come, now 

will you ? Now, then, [to audience) who'll go bail for me-- 

who'll promise and vow no end of things in my name ? Will you ? 
I give you my sacred word of honor I'll be a model of a husband 
for the future. 

Come, say you will, say you'll assist me, do ■ 

The welfare of this house depends on you. 

If you'll but back me up, I must succeed • 

If you condemn me, we're condenmed indeed. 
But if my faults you'll throw your mantle o'er, 
I win back all I've lost, and something more. 

Mrs. H. [coming down to him) I take your bail, [in audience) I've 

— many thanks to you 

Played for a husband's love, and won it, too ; 
But I'd another purpose, truth to tell, 
To win your favor. Have I that as well ? 
How shall I learn it, Ferdy ? 

Honey. Well, suppose 

You put it to the verdict of the rose, [handing- her a rose) 

Mrs. H. Oh, yes; what fun — now then, "amused or 

teased " [j)ulling the leaves off one by one) 

They're pleased, they're not, they're pleased, they're 

not, they're pleased — 
They're not, they're [^pausing) 

Honey. Well, proceed ; you can't retract ; 

Why don't you finish? 

Mrs. H. Daren't, and that's the fact. 

I simply daren't — I can't then, I declare. 
Turn the last leaf and read the verdict there. 

I'll to the fountain-head, come weal, come woe 

[to audience) Have we your favor? Answer, yes or no? 

Mrs. H. Honey. 

R. L. 

CURTAIN. 



7\ 



RTHUR iM. RINERO'S 



By arrangement with Mr. A. W. Pinero, the eminen^ 
English playwright, we are enabled to offer to amateurs eight 
of his popular plays as follows : 

THE TIMES. 

Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 

DANDY DICK. 

Three Acts. Seven males, four females, 

THE PROFLIGATE. 

Four Acts. Seven tnc.les, five females. 

THE MAGISTRATE. 

Three Acts. Twelve i7iales, four females. 

LADY BOUNTIFUL. 

Four Acts. A^ine males, eight females. 

SWEET LAVENDER. 

Three Acts. Six males, four females. 

THE HOBBY HORSE. 

Three Acts. Ten males, five females. 

THE CABINET MINISTER. 

Four Acts. Ten males ^ nine females. 



These plays are not for sale, but can be obtained for 
amateur piocluction on payment of an Author's Royalty of $30.00 a 
performance, in each case, in advance. Sample copies 
cannot be sent under any circumstances save to peo- 
ple personally known to us. Copies will, however, be de- 
posited in the hands of our correspondents at different principal ponits 
for examination by those to whom the plays are not already known. 
All business relating to these plays can be concluded only by direct 
correspondence with us, which is accordingly invited. 



WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

THEATRICAL BOOKSELLERS AND PUBLISHERS, 

No. 2) Winter Street, BOSTON, MASS, 



A NEW PLAY FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS. 



A KING'S DAUGHTER. 

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS. 

F^OR I^ENIALE CHARACTERS ONIvY. 

By RACHEL E. BAKER, 

Author of "The Chaperon," "After Taps," Bob," etc. 

Eleven female characters. Scenery, an interior and an exterior. Costumes, 
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Price .... 85 Cents. 

SYNOPSIS: 

ACT I. Mrs. Graham's drawing-room. The King's Daughters. Rebecca and 
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sewing bee. Nan's secret. The Kodak. Mab's poetry. Tea and tease. 
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dence. Patient Nan. Kitty's cake. Polly and the glue. Sallie's candy. 
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A NEW COMEDIETTA. 



A Borrowed Umbrella. 

A COMEDIETTA IN ONE ACT. 

By ESTHER B. TIFFANY, 

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Two male and two female characters. Scenery, unimportant ; costumes mod- 
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Price f f t , 15 Ceot9, 



A NEW WAR DRAMA. 



At the Picket Line. 

A Military Drama of the Civil War in Five Acts. 

By JUSTIN ADAMS, 

AUTHOR OP " T'RISS ; OB, BEYOND THE ROCKIES," " THE INFERKAL MA' 

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"THE RAG-PICKER'S CHILD, ' "THE LIMIT OF THE LAW," 

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Ten male and three female characters. Costumes modern and military. 
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Price .... 35 Cents. 

SYNOPSIS: 

ACT I. The Northern home. " The best darter that ever lived." Hiram and 
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Silvy speaks. " But I havn't." 

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ward squad. " The gal I left behind me." French leave. The wrong man. 
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A NEW MONOLOGUE FOR A GENTLEMAN. 



The Proposal. 

By HECTOR FEZANDIE. 

One male character in modern costume. A very clever and ingenious little 
t%pry of every-day life, very lively and dramatic. Plays twelve min^ites. 



BY THE AUTHOR OF " SHAMROCK AND ROSE." 

A Bit o' Blarney. 

An Irish Play of the Present Time in Three Acts. 
by fitzgerald murphy. 

Author of " Shamrock axd Rose," " The Irish Statesman," etc. 

As originally performed at the Park Theatre, Los Angeles, Cal., April 10, 18:?3. 

Nine male and two female characters. Modern costnraes. Scenery, an ex- 
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Cuddeen Cassidy, Corkerry, Darby Darney and Shevaun are excellent character 
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Price 85 Cents. 

SYNOPSIS: 

ACT I. Glen Blarney by moonlight. Old-fashioned love-making. The arrival 
of the American. The rescue. The first chapter in an international romance. 
A story of California. Rody and the leprehaun. The story of Rosaleen. The 
black bird and the dove. The blow. Love under the furze-blossoms. The 
trust. The robbery and the murder. The Accusation. 

ACT II. Shevaun's shebeen at sunset. The May-day feslivities. The Queen o' 
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assassination. The tables turned. Squire Rody. 



for f emale character s only. 

THE GOVERNESS. 

A. CONIEDY IN ONK ACT. 

FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS. 

Three characters, two of which impersonate two others as well. Scenery, 
a simple interior. Costumes of the last century, but may be modern, if desired. 
An admirable piece for two clever girls, good at disguises, providing a bright and 
snappy entertainment for school or hall. 

Price . , . , , J 5 C^entSt 



GEORGE M. BAKER'S PLAYS. 

Price 15 cents, unless otherwise stated. 



ABOVE THE CLOUDS. Drama in two 

acts. 7 males, 4' females. 

AMONG THE BREAKERS. Drama in 

two acts. 6 males, 4 females. 
BETTER THAN GOLD. Drama in four 

acts. 5 males, 4 females. 25 CentS. 

BON-BONS. Musical entertainment. 3 males, 

I female. ' 25 CentS. 

BOSTON DIP, THE. Comedietta in one 

act. 4 males, 3 females. " 
BREAD ON THE WATERS. Drama in 

two acts. 5 males, 3 females. . 
CAPULETTA. Burlesque in two parts. 3 

males, i female. 

CHAMPION OF HER SEX, THE. Farce 

in one act. 8 females. 

CHRISTMAS CAROL, A. Christmas en- 
tertainment from Dickens. Many char. 

CLOSE SHAVE, A. Farce in one act. 6 

males. 
■COALS OF FIRE. Farce in one act. 6 
males. 

COMRADES. Drama in three acts. 4 males, 

3 females. 25 CentS. 
DOWN BY THE SEA. Drama in two 

acts. 6 males, 3 females. 
DROP TOO MUCH, A. Farce in one act. 

4 males, 2 females. 

DUCHESS OF DUBLIN, THE. Farce in 

one act. 6 males, 4 females. 
ENLISTED FOR THE WAR. Drama in 

three acts. 7 males, 3 females. 

FAIRY OF THE FOUNTAIN, THE. 

Play for children in two acts. 10 char. 25c. 

FLOWER OF . THE FAMILY, THE. 

Comedy-drama in thiee acts. 5 males, 3 fern. 
FLOWING BOWL, THE. Drama in three 

acts. 7 males, 3 females. 25 centS. 

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. Farce in 

one act. 8 males. 

GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY. Farce 

in one' act. 12 males. 
GREAT ELIXIR, THE. Farce in on- act. 
9 males. ■ 

GREATEST PLAGUE IN LIFE, THE. 

Farce in one act. 8 females. 
GRECIAN BEND, THE. Farce in one 
act. 7 females. 

HUMORS OF THE STRIKE, THE. 

Farce in one act. 8 males. 
HYPOCHONDRIAC, THE. Farce in one 

act. 5 males. 
LAST LOAF, THE. Drama in two acts. 

5 males, 3 females. 

LIGHTHEART'S PILGRIMAGE. AHe 

gory for schools. 8 females and chorus. 

LITTLE BROWN JUG, THE. Diama in 

three acts. 5 males, 3 females. 
LITTLE MORE CIDER A. Farce iA one 

act. 5 mates, 3 females. 
LOVE OF A BONNET, A. Farce ;n one 

act. 5 females. 

MAN WITH THE DEMIJOHN, THE. 

Farce in one act. 4 males. 
MY BROTHER'S KEEPER. Drama in 
three acts. 5 males, 3 females. 

MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE, A. 

Parce in one act. 4 males. 
MY UNCLE THE CAPTAIN. Farce in 

one act. 6 males. 
NEVER SAY DIE. Farce in one act. 3 

males, 3 females. 
NEVADA. Drama in three acts. 8 males, 3 

females, 26 CentS. 



NEW BROOM SWEEPS CLEAN, A 

F arce in one act. 6 males. 
NO CURE, NO PAY. Farce in one act. 7 

females. 
ONCE ON A TIME. Drama In tyr^a act? 

4 males, 2 females, 

ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO. Drama 

in two acts. 8 males, 3 females. 
ORIGINAL IDEA, AN. Dialogue for a 

lady and gentleman. 
OUR FOLKS. Drama in three acts. 6 m»'es, 

5 females. ■ • ' 

PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. Farce 

in one act. 7 males, 3 fem^es. 

PAST REDEMPTION. Drama in four 
acts. 9 males, 4 females. 25 CentS. 

PEDLAR OF VERYNICE, THE. Bur- 
lesque. ■ 7 males. 

PRECIOUS PICKLE, A. Farce in one 
act'. 6 females. 

PUBLIC BENEFACTOR, A. Farce in 
one act. , 6 males. . - •. . , 

REBECCA'S TRIUMPH. Drama in three 
acts. 16 females. . ^5 CentS. 

RED CHIGNON, THE. Farce in one act. 

6 fem.des. 

REVOLT OF THE BEES, THE. ^ Mu- 
sical allegory. 9 females. 

RUNAWAYS, THE. Farce in one act. 4 
males. 

SANTA CLAUS' FROLICS. Christmas- 
tree entertainment. Many char, 

SCULPTOR'S TRIUMPH, THE. Alle- 

gory. 1 male, 4 females, 
SEA OF TROUBLES, A. Farce in one 

act. 8 males. 
SEEING THE ELJEPHANT. Temper- 

ance farce. 5 males, 2 females. 
SEVEN AGES, THE. Tableau entertain- 
ment. 7 males, 4 females. 

SHALL OUR MOTHERS VOTE? Hu- 

morous debate for 11 boys. 

SNOW BOUND. Musical and dramatic en- 
tertainment. 3 males, i fomale. 25 COUtS. 

STAND BY THE FLAG. DfSma in one 
act. 5 males. • - • • 

SILVIA'S SOLDIER. Drama in two acts. 
3 males, 2 females. 

TEMPTER, THE. Drama in one act, 3 
males, i female. 

TENDER ATTACHMENT, A. Farce in 

one act. 7 males. 
THIEF OF TIME, THE. Farce in one 
act. 6 males. 

THIRTY MINUTES FOR REFRESH- 

mentS. Farce in one act. 4 males, 3 fem. 

THORN AMONG THE ROSES, A. Com. 

edy in one act. 2 males, 8 females. 
TITANIA. Play for children in. two acts. 
Many char. 25 CentS. 

TOO LATE FOR THE TRAIN. Dialogue 

for 2 males, introducing songs and recitations, 
TOURNAMENT OF IDYL WENT, THE. 

Allegory for 13 females. 
VISIONS OF FREEDOM. Allegory for 

16 females. • . , , 

USING THE WEED. Farce in one act. 

7 females. 

WANTED, A MALE COOK. Farce in 

one act. 4 males. 
WAR OF XFW. ROSES. Allegory for 8 

females. 

WE'RE ALL TEETOTALERS. Farce <n 
one scene. 4 males, 2 females. 



WALTER H. BAKER, & CO, 



Boston, Ma%_ 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



NEW OPERETTAS FOR C\ 



Odd Operas for J 




014 549 438 2 4 



A Collection of Short and Simple Musical Entertainments for Children. 

By Mrs. G. N. BORDMAN, 

Author of "The Kingdom of Mother Goose," "Motiox Songs for the School- 
KooM," "The Teaiterance Clarion," etc. 

Complete with all the music and full instructions for perfoniiance. This collection is 
strongly recommended for its simplicity, originality of idea, tunefu.ness antl perfect prac- 
ticability. 

Price 50 cents. 

COITTJE35rTS. 
A GLIMPSE OF THE BROWNIES. A Musical Sketch for Cfiil 
dren. For any number of boys. 

JIMMY CROW. A Recitation for a Little Girl. 

MARKET DAY. An Operetta ^"or Young People. Seven speaking parts 
and chorus. 

QUEEN FLORA'S DAY DREAM. An Operetta for Children. Six 
speaking parts and chorus. 

THE BOATING PARTY. A Musical Sketch for Little Children. Thirty 
boys and girls. 

SIX LITTLE GRANDMAS. A Musical Pantomime for very Little 
Children. Six very little girls. 

A HOUSE IN THE MOON. A Recitation for a Little Girl. 



ROBIN'S SPECIFIC; 

OR, THE CHANGES OF A NIGHT. 
A. CtiRiSTiMAs Of'Erexta IN One Act. 

Words by t Music by 

AMELIA SANFORD. 1 ADAM CIEBEL. 

For one adult and nine children from eight to sixteen years old, with eight very little boys 
and twelve little girls for Chorus. Three changes of scene, very easily arranged, costumes 
varied but simple ajid readily procured. Very effective and easily gotten up. 

Price 25 cents. 



Catalogues describing the above and other popular entertainments sent free on application to 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO., 

THEATRICAL PUBLISHERS, 

No. 23 Winter Street, - - BOSTON, MASS, 



8. J. PARKHILL & OO., PRINTERS, 222 FRANKLIN ST., BOSTON. 



